Family Dynamics Lover Gifts

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy, Honey. Just slow down, take a deep breath and ping me about it later."

'With the family plan and the endless rollover minutes, the kids are able to argue blocks and miles apart!'

'It wasn't his wife leaving that hurt, it was his mother-in-law staying!'

"Mum, I think we pushed Fred too far this time."

"Adam, it's the boys. You've got to do something about their fighting! I swear someday one of them is going to kill the other one!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

A child as a pet substitute.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'