Family Dynamics Lover Gifts

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy, Honey. Just slow down, take a deep breath and ping me about it later."

You have to hunt a different one

'With the family plan and the endless rollover minutes, the kids are able to argue blocks and miles apart!'

'It wasn't his wife leaving that hurt, it was his mother-in-law staying!'

"Mum, I think we pushed Fred too far this time."

"Adam, it's the boys. You've got to do something about their fighting! I swear someday one of them is going to kill the other one!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

He wanted a different one.

A child as a pet substitute.

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'