Family Care Enthusiast Pillows

'If kids have to be raised properly, does that hurt?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I'm bored."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

"I had to skip my workout."

I love my family!

'So this is goodbye then!'

"I'm so good at this!"

It's a Boy

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

Mother's Love

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

'They're a very successful family.'

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"I read the audio book."

Policeman talking to lost child

'Oops! It says administer at bedtime. Guess that makes it bedtime.'

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'