Family Brunch Gifts

'This is spinach, Grandma. Spinach isn't grandmotherly.'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Christmas Tree

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Welcome Spring.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Hi-yah!"

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Harry—Let's get brunch and day drink."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"