False Start Aficionados Gifts

"OK...I'm opening this box...and now I'm closing it! Let's celebrate as I re-open this thing!"

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

"Pardon my glove."

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Brick Red Paint...

"I'm married to a control freak!"

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

'So, in closing, let's all say with as much sincerity as we can, 'Oh, what a darling kitchen!''

"Elves, Jerry, I asked for elves."

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.

'Oh, no -- not again!'

Brexit Part MMMCDIXIV

"Next time, finish your tea before turning over the cup to check-out the mark."

Remote controlled foul ball incidents.

Up, Down, Plummet (waiting for elevator)

Man on stilts faces horse and rider on stilts

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate' A guest is refused entry to the Softy-Wype toilet tissue masked ball.

Hunting man hits his host

'Pleased to meet you.'

Clancy: Never Making the Same Mistake Twice

Kicker hits too hard.

'Hi, Mr. Back... you asked me to call you...'

'How's my brother? No change, I'm afraid - he's still dead...'

Faux

Have a nice Day.

"...I said regular sand, not QUICKSAND!"