Faithful Fitness Follower Pillows

Fitbit on Shabbos

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

On the back of the t-shirt...

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Monk Prompt

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Robber on treadmill

"Here's to wellness—women's wellness!"

Strive to win!

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Spiritual Lives Matter

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"Do you have a motorized one?"

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'Doc, I'd like you to meet my personal trainer. This should explain a lot about my medical situation!'

"The buck really stops with him."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."