Failed Marriage Pillows

'Cards for those special occasions'.

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

Diplomacy

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'Stay, Rusty!'

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'He left me five minutes after he got his new National Health glasses.'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

Rubbish husband...

"After 40 years of marriage, she told me I had "husband ears" and left!"

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

'What do you mean, you want a divorce?'

'He left me for a guy. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Your wife said 'Shoot the clown of all I care.' But I'm sure can negotiate there."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).