Failed Artist Gifts

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

'I wish I was creative'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

Children's Imagination

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'It wasn't premeditated.

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"So you're the artist dating my daughter? I've seen your work...you MUST be starving."

"I've made a fortune as a successful artist! I couldn't see this happening if I became a soldier or a worker..."

"Maybe I haven't suffered enough. Why don't you whip up some of your curried pork balls and refried rice for dinner?"

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"That'll be the day!"

'Oh Rats! I can't be creative with a box of flat crayons!'

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"By the way, HarperCollins decided your book did not warrant publication."

"I've been an emerging artist for ten years now..."

'You're not creating another thing till you've tidied your room!'

'I need to practice painting the human figure, MOM! Models cost money!"

Non Drip Paint

Close... but no Degas.

'She leaves before I finish her portrait.'

'Turkey dot com.'

"If you wish to see your artwork displayed, don't forget your bio."

A military officer daydreams