Faculty Meeting Aficionados Gifts

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Scientists are sexy

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

'This part was tenure.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

PTA Meeting Tonight: Parents,Teachers,Attorneys

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

"My meeting take away was this chair, what did you get?"

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

"I say let's go with it. We've never tried a groveling approach before."

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

"My name is Proust. I've forgotten my room number."

'Let's make this a short meeting. I know we all have expensive homes to go to.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'Take us out to the ball game, take us out with the crowd, buy us some peanuts and crackerjacks, we don't care if never get back...'

"Sorry, guys, forgot I was back in the office."

With the exception of the cold coffee and poor selection of donuts, I think the meeting went well.

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Gentlemen - raise your glasses'

"This company lacks leadership... We need to think about the possibility of setting up a policy group to look at the option of convening a focus group to have a bit of a chat about what we might do!"

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

Truth or dare at the philosophy dept.'s lounge

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'