Extreme Diets Enthusiast Pillows

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"How long were you in that headstand?"

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Fat man on scales.

Motivation to Keep Fit.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

Diet Cud