Express Lane Dweller T-Shirts

"When life gets too hectic, I just like to stop, smell the roses, and write checks."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Come and get it!"

Upper West Side Story

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

The moles have adapted to the winter weather.

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

"Thank you."

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

"Scat!"

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

Auld Gang Sign

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

Early American Think tank

"...A meaningful epiphany or just a line from some dumb TV commercial?"

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Old Yarns

An ellipsis in the sky

Power, Money, Ego, Hype, Parking.

'But this IS my mobile home!'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'First we were out-gunned by the criminals...now we're out-dunked at the donut shop!'

The ultimate in rodent paradise.