Expiration Date Detective Pillows

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"It seemed like a long timeout."

Unusual Offers

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'But what do you sell?'

"It's a setup."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"See...polystyrene!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

"They're not home.."

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'