Age Detective Pillows

"You should never ask her age unless it's carbon dating."

Age Guessing

A boy acting suspiciously

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"It seemed like a long timeout."

Unusual Offers

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'But what do you sell?'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"I know it's the right thing to do, but if we call the cops this sandbox will be tied up for weeks."

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

'If that's the Police Station - we're not here!'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

Britain in 410AD

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'