Dater Detective Pillows

Rudy, I think you're ready for more responsibilities. You mean you want me to handle our suppliers? You want me to go to Colombia and oversee the coffee bean supply chain? You want to give me an expense account? I want you to scope out our patrons and alert me if any of them seem to be good fits for me romantically. But don't let them know you're running credit and background checks on them. It could ruin the mood. Very bad man.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Terry had a computer bug.

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Clickbait

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

Unusual Offers

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."