Expectation Recalibrator Pillows

I'm just sittin ghere updating my resume and recalibrating my expectations.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"It looked better on pinterest."

"It looked different on the internet."

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."

'Almost done.'

"It took years of hard work to get my colleagues to expect nothing from me."

"All right now...hold still."

"I'm thinking about working on something really big, but for now I'm just happy keeping my plants alive."

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

'Well, what did you expect?'

"What's this? I thought you said we were going on a 'tour of alcohol'!"

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.

Chiropractor and Veterinarian.

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

The Misleading Wine Fridge

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

Well, I told you she fancied me!

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"My resolution is to not set myself up for failure."

'No...it's not what I was expecting either.'

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

Couples compare their ambitions for their future children.

'I couldn't do my homework because my pocket calculator had a nervous breakdown.'

'You've got to EXPECT some faults with a guy that was as easy to land as I was.'

"Your great Abuelita Zoraida is coming for a visit! Do you know what that means?"

"Exceeding customers expectations is made easier when they, generally speaking, expect us to be rubbish!"

Postman worries that there is a big dog in the doghouse - turns out to be a small dog with big eyes...