Executive Expectation Setter Gifts

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

'I have everything a man could want - But I've still managed to hang onto my petty ambitions.'

'If I'd had someone to help me when I started, I might have made CEO...actually, I did make CEO, but you know what I mean.'

Big desks take time.

"All this stuff? I'm meeting for two now."

'I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to make CEO.'

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"It looked different on the internet."

"Is there any way we can skip right to adulthood and start being in charge?"

"It looked better on pinterest."

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"It took years of hard work to get my colleagues to expect nothing from me."

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."

'Almost done.'

"That one, too. They all look like big bags of money."

"I give and I give but all they see is take."

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

"Face it, Larry. We're small fish and des Moines isn't that big a pond."

'Well, what did you expect?'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

"With great power comes great responsibility. But that second part's suuuper easy to rationalize away."

"I deserve this and much, much more."

"Can't you rake the leaves? I'm raking in cash."

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

'Relax Smithers, he is just a head hunter, they leave the rest of you alone.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

'I'm just a cat. What do I know about being a CEO. So I asked the Donald to come here to give me some advice.'

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.