Executive Critiquer Pillows

Company Performance - "It could have been worse. We could have linked director's pay to it."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

That's the chairman's office.

"Yes, you do get your bonus today. My assistant is empty the change out of the vending machine as we speak."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Waste Management.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

The Buck Stops Here.

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

'For those of you who don't wish to know the results of our executives pay...turn away now.'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

"We're making progress."

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

"Workers have obligation to limit their economic demands to make the USA more competitive!"

I'm the vice president of something or other...

"The company's information flow is really simple: the boss doesn't tell the department managers anything, they don't talk to the team managers, who withhold everything from the workers."

"All those in favor of getting even drunker and blowing lunch on the working class, say 'Aye!'."

"I'm getting back to being able to enjoy the little things—like firing people."

"You're not standing in the designated protest area."

'...and here's our filing system.'

"How about we forget 'new and improved' and settle for 'new'?"

'I could personally hand you this report, but instead I'll fax you a blurry copy so you'll have to call me back for my interpretation.'