Executive Chaos Navigator T-Shirts

Wife, 2 kids, and 147 employees to support

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Signs of Stress

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"We're all well aware of the madness, Phipps...where's the method?"

A dream of consequence

Big desks take time.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Having It All

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"As you know we've made a lot of acquisitions lately, and the last one we made seems to have resulted in us buying ourselves."

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Going to the pub with kids...

Married Life - Poet unable to write because of noisy children

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."