Executioners Pillows

Executioner's Caddy.

Lose five to ten pounds - fast!

Lost your head unfairly - De-cap Lawyers For You.

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"I hate performance review season."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

My brilliant career

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"There's only one thing I hate more than a 'yes man', and that's a 'no man'!"

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'