Excuse Master Pillows

'Either Gödel has come up with a gret new theory, or the most elaborate excuse in mathematical history for not finishing something.'

'I was just ringing the Police on my mobile to tell them I'd just seen someone driving using their mobile.'

'I'm late for work because my car has an acceleration problem and it zipped right past the parking lot.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

Carole had always been ' big boned'.

"Writer's block, Miss. I didn't read the book."

"So you're saying that your sudden upset stomach ache developing on the same day as the big spelling test is just a coincidence?"

"When I said I was 'all-in', I meant I was going to bed... and I'm not saying that just because I lost the hand."

"What cloak of invisibility? Just admit you misses work yesterday!"

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

Dog ride on dump truck and dispose of homework.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

'Truth? I am just looking out the window...'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

'My dog ate my computer.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I was saying a silent prayer, but I must have dozed off and talked in my sleep."

My daddy ate my homework

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."