Ex-banker Pillows

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

"I don't like the look of this."

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

'No trouble at all giving you an overdraft Mr Simkins - have mine!'

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Offshore tax havens.

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

'He's so spoilt, he has his pocket money paid into a Swiss bank account.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

I have a dream.

Do not feed the clerks.

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."