Evolutionary Buff Pillows

"Hard to believe, but some say we've evolved from those beasts."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

'My real name is Bellis Perennis, but you can call me Daisy!'

Florist "Say it with cacti"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

Plant Parenthood...

Poinsettia

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Body Systems

'Yes, I love you, but my family would disown me if I cross-pollinated with a weed, so our relationship must end.'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Too much Inflammation

Geekasaurus.

'We've discovered a new breed of shark tat has evolved is dorsal fin to disguise itself,'

"Just great. These humans bring us back from extinction just in time for another global climate catastrophe."

"Some dinosaurs died out more quickly than others" "You want some?"

Sheds

Planner at work.

Remember, what happens in Roswell, stays in Roswell.

Flytrap nerd.

A Thirsty Flower

'If you think using a stick is evolutionary, wait till you try one these dipped in chocolate.'

"Finish your anchovies and then you can evolve."

'You have your Boxing Day dip and I'II have mine...'