Evolutionary Buff T-Shirts

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

'My real name is Bellis Perennis, but you can call me Daisy!'

Florist "Say it with cacti"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

'Yes, I love you, but my family would disown me if I cross-pollinated with a weed, so our relationship must end.'

Body Systems

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Poinsettia

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

Geekasaurus.

"Some dinosaurs died out more quickly than others" "You want some?"

"Just great. These humans bring us back from extinction just in time for another global climate catastrophe."

Sheds

Planner at work.

Hunter-Gatherer, Agriculture, Services, Tech. . . Job-Hunter-Gatherer.

"Finish your anchovies and then you can evolve."

A Thirsty Flower

Evolved to Ski.

Flytrap nerd.

'If you think using a stick is evolutionary, wait till you try one these dipped in chocolate.'