Evening Entertainer T-Shirts

"Too late. I already put the TV to bed."

'I had a wonderful evening and I'm really sorry Ed's still looking for a parking spot.'

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"Extreme miming"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Glyndebourne

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Don't you ever knock?'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

Roller Coasters

Pottery Slam

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Ventriloquist's Doll also has a Doll.

'What happened to the guy with the harmonica?'

Pizza Throwing

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Bumper Puncture Repair Kit.

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

Tom Waits.

"At my birthday parties you call the shots, but out here you do as I say, soldier!"

Jimi Hendrix Picks A Guitar

'Honey, I think it's cute that grumpy sings along with universal idols.'

Monk Parrot.

'You need to slow down - use more color.'

'It's 600 bucks regardless of how freaked out your kid gets.'

Roverdance.

The successless pantomime becomes a successless criminal

Judge, ruling on mime: 'Guilty of wasting your life. Case dismissed.'