Euphemism Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Oh that, that's our dealing room."

"Another alleged meeting of the Women's Institute?"

"Deidre's right. 'Challenging current dynamics' sounds better than SNAFU."

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

The Birds & The Bees

"Well, sweetie, Rover is on a 'planned vacation'."

"Our sales? They're...umm...off the chart!"

Al, do you feel tortured by art? "Torture" is such an ugly word, Axel. The current euphemism is "enhanced interrogation."

I'll stop acting like I have a stick up my butt when I don't, in fact, have a stick up my butt.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"I don't think we want to be talking to the staff about 'redundancies'...It's such a harsh term, it would only cause panic!"

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

"Good news gentlemen! We may even upsize!"

The Curse of Rhadamanthus (For Pete's Sake)

"Funny, I always thought 'downsizing' was just a euphemism euphemism for laying people off."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Police Feline Unit

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Torturing the English Language

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.