Etiquette Teacher Pillows

Vicar and four young ladies

Not very ladylike. Please help.

'That's Ludwig II, not Ludwig JUNIOR!'

'Mommy! Larry's making faces again!'

'Hold your hand in front of your mouth when you yawn.' - 'What, and take a chance of getting bitten.'

Although Frankenstein turned out to be a homicidal maniac, he did surprisingly well in finishing school.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hipsters"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Awkward First Dates

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Hey, you two! What did I say about sharing?!"

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.