Etiquette Connoisseur T-Shirts

Welcome to Flower Ridge - Traditional values strictly enforced.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Men gossiping

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'