Etiquette Connoisseur Pillows

Welcome to Flower Ridge - Traditional values strictly enforced.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Men gossiping

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Don't get up!'

'D'you have any salt?'

"All rise."

'So are you the wise guy that thinks my food is not good enough to regurgitate and maul between your hands?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'