Ethereal Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Shadow figures on laundry day"

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

'Anything good on tonight?'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

'I miss the evildoers.'

"I'm waiting in for a plumber."

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Fresh ground?

Man turns into an angel.

'I thought everybody would be equal here'

For one embarrassing week, heaven ran out of normal wings,

"She was a good turtle."

I just figured moths would have their own heaven.

"Kids today!"

Actually, the "you can't take it with you" rule wasn't implemented until somebody wanted to come in with bagpipes.

I agree it's kind of sad...but it was just a matter of time.

Mosey sign on crossing.

"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."

Listen, I know you're omniscient - You don't need to say "spoiler alert" every time you tell me something.

'I'm happy for eternity, but I still miss happy hour.'

Heaven II

'Don't worry dear, he's waiting for a fly.'

"Who ordered the krill pizza?"

'Heulluva Mark.'

'Hey you! Get off my cloud!'

"Not funny."