Ethereal Satire Enthusiast Pillows

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

"I hate his 'holier than thou' attitude."

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

'I miss the evildoers.'

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Heaven Has VIP

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

'I thought everybody would be equal here'

Man turns into an angel.

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

For one embarrassing week, heaven ran out of normal wings,

"Hi there! - Would you mind if I come in and talk about the Devil..?"

"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"

I just figured moths would have their own heaven.

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

I agree it's kind of sad...but it was just a matter of time.

"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

Listen, I know you're omniscient - You don't need to say "spoiler alert" every time you tell me something.

Red Indian in a restaurant, "Have you a reservation, sir?""Well, I'm not crazy about the flock wall-paper"

'Pssst! Interested in some deviled eggs?'

Wiper Swiper. A vagrant extorts money from motorist.

Heaven II

"Shadow figures on laundry day"

"I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

'I'm not saying he's neurotic, but he has serious left-and-right hemisphere issues.'

Snobs club: Press 1 to speak to a somebody, press 2 to speak to a nobody.