Epa Officer Gifts

'I didn't know the EPA could get you for dandruff!'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Mario Draghi

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

The Greek Trampoline

"I'll be honest... there are books by James Joyce that are easier to follow than these bad boys."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

AI Safety Officer

Panama Papers Scandal

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."