Environmental Punsters Pillows

'The good news is: Any chance of hell freezing over has been minimized by global warming.'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'This must be the effect of the climate change! Even the data cloud has started to rain!'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

Give Chlorophyll.

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Trust me. He's far more effective than any drain cleaner and he doesn't contain any environmentally dangerous toxins.'

Fart. Le Poot.

Leaflet

'I don't understand why they make such a big deal about acid rain. Can't we just counteract it with alkaline rain?'

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

Fisherman.

Lollipop mask

Standup Chemist: 'So he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, 'all right, potassium chloride'.'

I've got to wash my hair. If you don't get out of the shower, Twig, I'm going to�Going to what little brother whose parents don't know he cut school for a day? Going to wear a hat. Ah! The cap in "cap and trade."

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

Unlike other places, around here "take a load off" means "get back to work."

'I bought this energy saving bulb in your shop, but it doesn't work.'

"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."

"I blame his old careers teacher myself, it was him who suggested he did a bank job."

"You gotta be kidding me... A Triceratops? Last week it was a Stegosaurus and a Pterodactyl the week before but never a Tyrannosaurus."

Breakfast Ideas. I fixed the cable box during this cooking show. I unscrambled the eggs!

"I sold my car $1500 last week! It's actually worth only $750! The guy understood! I'd just filled it up with gas!"

'To be perfectly honest, I don't understand the International Date Line myself.'