Environmental Punster Gifts

'Trust me. He's far more effective than any drain cleaner and he doesn't contain any environmentally dangerous toxins.'

Give Chlorophyll.

'I don't understand why they make such a big deal about acid rain. Can't we just counteract it with alkaline rain?'

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

Chicken soup for the sole.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Water is discovered on the moon....

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

"We're standing in forever chemicals."

Mystery of the Poets

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

Standings: Milky Way Conference

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Atlas working out with the earth as his exercise ball.

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Uranus always gets a bad rap. Tap tap tap tap tap. What do you mean, dorkboy? I mean, no matter how mature people think they are, they always, always want to chuckle when they say "Uranus." Come on, Sadie. You know you want to smirk, even if it's in secret. What if I told you Uranus is slightly bigger than Neptune? Not chuckling! Uranus is always the butt of the joke.

'Its a dogwood tree. I can tell by its bark.'

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

"Norman is an island."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

They just found two more dark moons around Uranus. Are you winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke? No, they really do think they found two new moons there. Kind of suspicious, if you ask me. As long as I can remember, Uranus had 27 moons, and the Solar System had 9 planets, including Pluto. Now those numbers change all the time. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we have to Uranuses. Yeah ... pretty sure you're winding up to some sort of sophomoric joke.

'I think therefore I ham.'

Sure, Jupiter's the biggest, but I hear he uses Asteroids to build up his bulk!

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'