Entertainment Spender Gifts

'Your check to 'Hooters' bounced, ironically enought.'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Big screen TV.

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Starvation Watching

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Jim Carrey,

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

'Whoever stole your credit card is spending a lot less with it than you did!'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

NBS Programming Department. Who have we got to interview Michael Jackson? We've got it narrowed down to Stephen King or Leonard Nimoy.

Peter Gabriel

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"As I recall, Leonard, when we first watched 'The Honeymooners' you said that it marked the decline and fall of Western culture."

More Arts Council cuts...

Get a Life

'Some people say they're ego-compensation, but what do they know.'