Entertainment Host Pillows

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

Fishermen

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Pinata Trophies

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Life After a Circus Bankruptcy."

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'