Entertained Husbands Pillows

"I know you're in there, Miriam...hurry up, I have to go!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Oh, no! My bucket list!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"No heroic measures."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"'Till death do you part?"

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

'Your wife came by and left a message'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"Honey, I'm home."

'Sorry, my wife can't take your call at the moment. This is her answer phone.'

It's my golf night out with the boys!

"Every night when I go home my wife whispers those three little words, 'wipe your feet'."

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

"Your husband is critical."