Entertained Husbands Pillows

"I know you're in there, Miriam...hurry up, I have to go!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"Oh, no! My bucket list!"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"No heroic measures."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"I don't think this is the answer, Harold."

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'Your wife came by and left a message'

'He's probably charming the pants off your receptionist'

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

"'Till death do you part?"

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"Honey, I'm home."

"Every night when I go home my wife whispers those three little words, 'wipe your feet'."

It's my golf night out with the boys!

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'

'Sorry, my wife can't take your call at the moment. This is her answer phone.'

'When did your role as husband become mainly ceremonial?'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"My wife says I never listen to her ... or something like that."

'It's only 8 months in minimum security. Much like your first marriage.'

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"