Entering Job Market Gifts

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

"Go to school, study hard, then in the real world we have to compete against artificial intelligence."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

The Three Wise Queens

The Rubber Ball Company

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"I don't like your application."

In and Out Sourced.

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Between Offices

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"