Engagement Dinner Gifts

"I told you we should have made a reservation."

You have no experience eating lobster? Before I spend time showing you how, do you have experience tipping?

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

Couples' therapy

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'S'more wine?'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'Hey Babe - 7:30 sharp, don't be late...I'm preparing you a meal...'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'And I think you'll find something extra in your dessert, Hon.'

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

Three people view wine price 3 ways.

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"