Engagement Party Gifts

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"It's from my parents. An invitation to our wedding."

First Marriage

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

I could have danced all night!

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

Couples' therapy

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

'Oh, thank you, Neville. If I had lips, I'd kiss you.'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Dance.

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

"Quick! Get outta there! They're home!"

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

French horn.

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"