Bachelor Party Gifts

'I pick fights when I get drunk.'

'Nothing really happened in Vegas, but my money stayed there.'

Cook Book for Guys.

The Penguins of Las Vegas

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'It's your round.'

My first mistake.

'Feel like going out clubbing later?'

If I ever end up dancing like that, please buy me a one way ticket to Switzerland.

Jeff woke up with a disgusting film on his teeth.

It was the bottom of the fifth, and the bases were loaded.

'Last arrests at the bar please...!'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

'I'm just reaching my sexual innuendo peak.'

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

'I have to go. I promised my liver I wouldn't be late home.'

'Herb would tell his wife he had to work late again - Although the tattoo would be hard to explain.'

Diamond Geezer.

'We have reason to believe you have been binge drinking and urinating in the area'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

Drunk man in pub with sign reading - 'Now drunk 24 hours'.

The Morning After...

Chef De Party.

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

'Are you flirting with me?'

Eat. Drink. Be Merry. Jail.

"Anyone here a 'worthless, no-good drunken bum'?"

KINKY

'He didn't lay a finger on me — just knuckles.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

So 51 percent of adult American women are unmarried. It's awesome. More single chicks, better odds, more power to men, less pressure to please any individual woman. Less pressure to be the perfect guy. Or clean up the apartment, or pretend to listen. The 51 percent figure explained. Less bathing!

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. A super sexy all-male revue. Our first performer is a legend – the hunkiest he-man in the Americas. So give it up for … oh my … It can't be … Senor Stud! Pop!

Randy – you're a male stripper! Senor Stud, ma'am. Don't be a dope. I know it's you. You have me confused with someone else. So this is how you make your money. Does Rudy know? Rudy? I do find the dumb act very sexy. Senor Stud is a Ph.D. In love.

Man struggling to remember how he got home the morning after the derby

"I just followed my moral compass and there she was."