Energy Conscious Humorist Gifts

'Don't even think about claiming you're saving energy by doing nothing!'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Where's my global warming?

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

The Joshua Tree

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"One slice—hold the bread."

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'