Energy Conscious Humorist Gifts

'Don't even think about claiming you're saving energy by doing nothing!'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

Where's my global warming?

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

The Joshua Tree

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

Actually, I hate the taste of fish, but the oil's just so darn good for you.

"Thank God!"

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

Shipwrecked with an environmentalist.