Energetic Family Member Gifts

Buy a dog - the ideal pet for those too busy to mess up their homes themselves.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I didn't spark joy."

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"Little help?"

Very Difficult Conversations

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Dancing Doctor

Cardiac Recovery.

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"You left your demons here last week."

Babies vs. Dogs

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

Swinging

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

No caption (In the first frame a dog rides in a car with his head hanging out the window. The dog is smiling. In the next three frames the view gets progressively closer to his ear, until on the fourth frame a closeup is shown of a flea on the dogs ear. He too, is smiling).

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

Captain steering house through flood.