Energetic Family Member Gifts

Buy a dog - the ideal pet for those too busy to mess up their homes themselves.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I didn't spark joy."

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Cardiac Recovery.

Dancing Doctor

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Little help?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

Very Difficult Conversations

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"You left your demons here last week."

Babies vs. Dogs

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Swinging

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

Captain steering house through flood.

Super hero dog.