End-of-life Thinker Pillows

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"Call me?"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"They're very time-sensitive."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Tom's last day.

"I don't think so."

"The season finale of the world is near."

Closed Thursdays.

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"I still hate you."

The End is Relative

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'It looks like our time is up.'

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

"Posthumously yours."

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

"Boring up here isn't it...?"

Pearly Gates Queue

"I hear they're desperate for new users."

"I was always afraid to read it before."

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

"Nope, wrong password. You've got two more tries..."

Welcome to Heaven

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

IIt isn't so bad. I feel about how I used to after watching TV all day.'

The End.