End-of-life Thinker Pillows

"Call me?"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"They're very time-sensitive."

A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"I don't think so."

Tom's last day.

"The season finale of the world is near."

Closed Thursdays.

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

The End is Relative

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'It looks like our time is up.'

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

"Posthumously yours."

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

Welcome to Heaven

"I was always afraid to read it before."

"I hear they're desperate for new users."

Pearly Gates Queue

"Nope, wrong password. You've got two more tries..."

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

"Boring up here isn't it...?"

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

IIt isn't so bad. I feel about how I used to after watching TV all day.'

The End.

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."