Employment Rules Pillows

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

One way only.

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"People are always banging on about the advantages of 'so-called' diversity."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

'I'm not asking for a raise Mr. Betenheeler, but would it be possible for you to treat me as a human being?'

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'