Employment Policies Pillows

The Job Offer

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Good boy."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

37 years in the same position.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

Trump leaving

'Well, kids, it all started with a massive Federal program to combat global warming....'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

Our Two Parties, Explained

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

In and Out Sourced.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Work Slave

Think Tank

Roe v. Wade

Economy

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'The recession is over, again.'

Between Offices