Employee In A High-stress Job Pillows

'You need to go home, take a long relaxing bath surrounded by aromatic candles and do an hour of yoga; but that's out of the question. How about a five minute smoking break ?'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I want to empower you to fulfill your potential! If you can work 16 hours today, then your 20-hours shift tomorrow should really elevate your self-esteem'!

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'Maybe we did pile too much work on his desk.'

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

Death Boss

Next, I recall looking down at myself and thinking, God, what a drama queen.

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Take your time coming back...they're looking for scapegoats.

Sinking sales

Yoga.

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"I'm your exit strategy."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

Sold It All.

'You're having a mid-life crises...'

"When given a choice, a lot of them prefer eternal torment over being stuck in a 9 to 5 job."

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

'I'm certainly no expert on the matter, but throwing the copier out the window just may be a sign you're suffering from stress.'

'I don't known why these people are always complaining... we give them stimulating challenging work.'

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

"I always put things off until the last minute."

'Ahhhh. Did I just feel the tension in here break, or was it the elastic on my underwear?'