Employee Feedback Consultant Gifts

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

Suggestion Box

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'Of course, at first, there was some resentment but now the chaps seem to have accepted things graciously.'

Jimi Hendrix Website - PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK

'-Must remember to empty that...'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Four Types of Critics

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'… and I'm not sure what you're insinuating here Mrs. Collins, but we hired Ms. Tiffany here based on assets applicable to the job.'

Will work for 6-figure salary, excellent health care plan, and generous retirement package.

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'Don't look at this as a demotion, look at it as the stripping away of your last shred of dignity.'

'Suggestions' / 'e-Suggestions'.