Empathic Caller Pillows

'Now you call? Now that fierce competition has reduced long-distance to little more than a cheap, unprofitable commodity. Now you call your mother?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Postwar is hell."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

World Hunger Conference.

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"What a sad species humans are!"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'We finally learned to communicate, and he's worse than I thought he was!

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Cares and woes.

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Wife takes husband's place in the pub

Couple

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"We must do something about these refugees..."

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

Bring your problems to work day.

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'What's the point of suffering from depression if nobody notices?'

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

Unhappy clown.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.