Empathic Caller Gifts

'Now you call? Now that fierce competition has reduced long-distance to little more than a cheap, unprofitable commodity. Now you call your mother?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Postwar is hell."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'We finally learned to communicate, and he's worse than I thought he was!

"What a sad species humans are!"

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

World Hunger Conference.

Cares and woes.

Wife takes husband's place in the pub

Couple

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"We must do something about these refugees..."

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

Bring your problems to work day.

'What's the point of suffering from depression if nobody notices?'

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Unhappy clown.

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.