Emotional Detective Pillows

"He's not good at reading body language."

'I know exactly how you feel!'

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

Wife tells husband she only married him because she pitied him and he replies that everyone pities him now.

'She thinks I'm always trying to put her down, but what does she know?'

George wasn't good at reading between the lines.

Disappointment

"Whoa! Now there's a memory you ought to just keep repressed."

"You seem happy tonight darling... Is everything OK?"

"My aloofness is a mask."

"You're a good listener, Bob, just not the kind I'm looking for."

University Soapflakes

'You've made me very happy but I warn you, I'm going to find out how.'

'...But I suppose such feelings are normal.'

'Admit it - I really nailed you!'

"What is it with women and cars?"

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"I know it's an uncomfortable subject...but we have to talk about the 800 pound gorilla in the room!"

'Why are you trying to make this all about me?'

"Hold that fixation."

Text/Subtext Message

"Is this Randy the love doctor?" "Speaking. What ails you, sister?" "I spent months mocking this guy, and everyone who likes him ended up resenting me for that. But..." "...But now you've developed feelings for him and you want his people to like you?" "Yes, well the first part. How do I convince him all his people are insane so he'll never believe them and will trust only me?" "I'm about to give you advice that'll sound a lot like hanging up."

Go ahead and dissect me

"Something's wrong. I can tell by your look of utter disillusionment tinged with brooding animosity."

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

"I pick up on people's pain, Alexander. What's wrong?"

"It's not like he's the only guy with demons out there."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Surfing the daily stress

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Relationship Warning Lights