Emergency Room Staff Pillows

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

'Is it urgent?'

"He has a pretty rare blood group."

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

'Sir, for the last two hours your constant cries of pain have been disturbing the other people in the waiting room. Please stop.' (based on true story.) St. Elizabeth's Hospital

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Anyone here who didn't take the Hippocratic Oath?'

"Who's next?"

Emergency room notice - 'Wait hours, or go home'

"I've been transfered onto the night shift in accident & emergency!"

"Mr. Jones, the doctor says it's OK to move you ahead of the queue and he'll see you now!"

Casualty / Badly Bruised / Just A Scratch / Oh It's Nothing

'Sir, for the last two hours your constant cries of pain have been disturbing the other people in the waiting room. Please stop.'

Accident and Emergency/Pump your own Stomach

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Listen it's not our fault that you are short-handed...'

'Think hard, Mrs. Johnson. We need to know exactly how many legs your son had when you brought him to the hospital this morning.'

'Follow the solid line.'

"His last words sort of came out … 'AAARRGHH AAAARRRGGHHH' …."

'This one was too patient.'

'Your son is fine, but tell him to stay away from the milk.'

"Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes."

"Here, put this on."

"Thank goodness! I thought that day would never end!"

Emergency Room

"Have you tried Trip Advisor?"

"Any history of being a stabbing victim in your family?"

"Please, give me your insurance card."

Hospital: Drive Through Service For Minor Ailments

"No health insurance? I suggest you wait until your symptoms get worse, then go to the emergency room."

"So you're saying the pain is about a five out of ten?"

Operation/Grim Reaper

"I had the same problem with my girlfirends bra clasp."

First aid departments